How much spam do you get in your e-mail every day? A handful? Maybe. Dozens? Perhaps. Certainly, there’s a lot of it floating around out there. Companies make a lot of money off of spam — if they didn’t, we wouldn’t keep getting it.
Occasionally, I get a piece of spam that’s disguised as a legitimate e-mail. To a naïve reader, these appear to be real — that’s the intention of the spammer.
For example, last month I received this e-mail:
Mon, Sep 21, 2009 at 4:24 PM
Subject: Pest Control
Good Afternoon,
I have a number of potential customers looking for pest control services in your area. I thought you would make a good fit.
Please give me a call at your earliest convenience.
Michael Markman
I can be reached at 714-544-2607 ext 108
If you do not wish to receive any further messages simply click on the link below, enter your mail address and click the UNSUBSCRIBE button. You will be removed from all future mailings.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: Why not simply ignore his e-mail or click the UNSUBSCRIBE button? Most of the time, I would simply delete it and move on. That’s the best thing to do. When you get something like this, it’s best just to delete it and not give it a second thought.
But something was calling me to respond.
Never mind the fact that I don’t have a need for customers looking for pest control services (since, duh, I do not run or work for a pest management company).
After Googling his name and phone number, I simply had to respond.
Tue, Sep 22 at 10:35 AM
Subject: Re: Pest Control
Hello Mike,
Thank you so much for thinking of me. I’m curious, what is it about me that makes you think I’d be a good fit for your potential customers?
Thanks again.
-Pete
That’s true! I was curious as to what he knew about be and why he thought I would be a good fit for his potential customers. Of course, a co-worker informed me that, by responding, all I did was confirm that my e-mail address was valid. Nonetheless …
Thu, Sep 24 at 5:44 PM
Subject: Re: Pest Control
We would place your company on the first page of google.com in the cities you service. Is that something that you feel would benefit your business?
Wow! That’s a pretty good offer. Forget everything you think you know about SEO, this guy holds the key
Thu, Sep 24 at 6:29 PM
Subject: Re: Pest Control
Michael! OMG!!! That would be awesome! Are you kidding me? Of course that would be a benefit to my business!
Thanks.
-Pete
I thought the “OMG!!!” was a nice touch.
Thu, Sep 24 at 6:32 PM
Subject: Re: Pest Control
Is there a number I can call you on Pete?
Michael
Of course I have a telephone number, but I’m not giving it to him. That would ruin the fun. Besides, I have a few more questions.
Fri, Sep 25 at 5:45 AM
Subject: Re: Pest Control
Hi Mike,
Forgive me if I sound a bit confused. The prospect of being No. 1 on Google has me so excited, I’m not sure I’m thinking straight.
It occurred to me last night that your original e-mail implied that you had potential customers you thought would be a good fit for me. I guess I assumed these “potential customers” were already your clients and that you were planning on referring them to me. Am I mistaken?
Are you simply referring to anyone who uses Google as a potential customer?
Thanks in advance for clearing this up for me. I’m looking forward to working with you.
-Pete
Am I wrong here? While it may technically be true, it just seems a bit bold to assume anyone who uses Google is a potential customer.
Fri, Sep 25 at 1:12 PM
Subject: Re: Pest Control
I am reffering to anyone who uses google as a potential customer to look for you in the cities you service. Is there a number I can reach you on?
Michael
There he goes, asking for my phone number again. At this point, I was starting to lose interest and was too busy to keep “playing” him. But, I was urged by coworkers to keep it going and turn it into a blog post.
Thu, Oct 15 at 6:33 AM
Subject: Re: Pest Control
Hola Mikey!
Sorry I haven’t gotten back to you in a while. Quick question: In order to consider anyone who uses Google as a potential customer, would I first have to have a company Web site?
Thanks.
-Pete
Nearly three weeks had passed and I certainly didn’t expect to hear back from him. So, I had a little fun with the “Hola Mikey!” greeting and the dumb question about the company Web site. He didn’t disappoint.
Thu, Oct 15 at 6:51 PM
Subject: Re: Pest Control
No. Even if you dont have a company website, we would build you a custom web page which comes with the google package for no extra cost.
This guy does it all. He’s going to build a website for my pest control company, and make me No. 1 on Google. Still, I couldn’t help but go back to what he originally lured me with in his original e-mail.
Fri, Oct 16 at 5:29 AM
Subject: Re: Pest Control
Yo, Mike-a-rino!
Forgive me for sounding hesitant, but I’m a bit confused. Your original e-mail made it seem like you had referrals you were ready to hand over to me, but now it seems you’re trying to sell me on some kind of Internet advertising package.
I hope you can clear this up. Thanks.
-Pete
Perhaps calling him “Mike-a-rino” was a tad over the top.
Fri, Oct 16 at 12:29 PM
Subject: Re: Pest Control
Pete. Im getting a vibe like you like wasting my time. Take Care.
Uh-oh … I think he’s on to me. Abort? Nah …
Fri, Oct 16 at 3:37 PM
Subject: Re: Pest Control
Mike,
Who’s wasting who’s time? You’re the one who’s trying to pull the old bait and switch on me.
How much time have I devoted to trying to figure out this puzzle of yours? You tell me you have leads — good leads, the Glengarry leads — then when I tell you I’m interested, you try to instead sell me a bill of goods on a custom-built Web site and a search engine optimization on Google.
Do you even know what my business is? I’ve invested just as much time into this as you have, and now you want to pull out simply because I have a few questions?
I’m beginning to think you never had any leads for me to begin with.
-Pete
The end? Maybe. I highly doubt I’ll hear back from Michael Markman, but I’m holding out hope. I really would like to get those Glengarry leads and be No. 1 on all of Google!
This was, of course, all in good fun. If he’s going to spam me, you can’t fault me for wasting his time a little. If anything, it made for (I hope) a good blog post and a good warning to others who might receive similar e-mails.
If you enjoyed this, then you simply must read about the time I tried to buy Bulldog Puppies from Cameroon. Enjoy!
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